Blogosphere

In blogland we can meet people as they would never appear to us in any other context. Wow. That must be what people said about books when they first appeared.

Had an interesting chat with Mum this morning about blogs, Mysore, ego and ashtangis. There is a lot of crossover of course! I had showed her a few of the Mysore blogs out there and we have talked about the types of people likely to be inhabiting the world of ashtanga study in Mysore. Yoga, food, self, quest, india obsessed type A people. All this is of course relatively uncontroversial stuff and each is open to judge (or not, or accept) such assertions. I was not surprised that she has decided not to read them too closely. It can be a voyeuristic pleasure but the blogosphere is a funny and unique place fit to burst with neuroses, exhibitionism, insight, surprise, honesty, frankness and duplicity all woven together. It's easy to read this stuff like some kind of priviliged guide book to the soul - which it may in fact be if it were consumable in one go. But what about actually experiencing something firsthand for oneself?

The latest web/blog 'outing' has hit the headlines in the media. Girl with a one track mind has been hunted down with a vengeance by scummy UK journos and her identity has been revealed to all. It's a shame as it will obviously end the blog as it has been.

She is a person who has chosen to write with total frankness about her lively sex life for over 2 years. It is entertaining, compulsive and fun. It is also kind of daunting and a bit scary. Most of all I wonder - although she seems to love her sexuality and what it brings to her life - how it might be hard to be so constantly at the beck and call of one's hormones. She is turned on pretty much all the time, by just about anything. Though there are many passages of reflection about 'will she ever find a suitable relationship/have kids etc' there is never any about how she came to be as she is - why is everything sexualised for her, about desire and constantly seeking satisfaction. To know some of that would be fascinating, as has her blog thus far been. It won't happen now thanks to the sad Sunday Times journos.

Film obsession

One thing I have not mentioned so far is that I am (increasingly) obsessed by and engrossed in the world of films - in particular, in the last few years I have begun to watch a huge amount of films after it occured to me one day that, quite simply, I could. In the vein then I recently went to Wellington for a couple of days to catch some of the offerings at the NZ film festival. I think I will offer my thoughts on all films I see right here from now on. You will see that I am not joking when I say I watch a lot of them.

First up was Thankyou for Smoking. Aaron Eckhart plays the slimiest most neo-con postmodern morally corrupt relativistic slimeball lobbyist. Rob Lowe plays a character almost as hateful as the one he plays in Wayne's World. I think he has worked out that people prefer to hate him rather than love him. Really it's nothing more than a dressed up anecdote as a whole but it works beacuse of what 'off Hollywood' is so good at - very snappy dialogue and slick production seamlessly combined. Ironic (as far as American stuff can be), amusing and current.

Next was 49 Up. A long running (42 years and counting) documentary serial, the first ever, and still most authentic, attempy at reality TV that has never failed to engross. If, like me, you love documentaries with substance (as opposed to most of the shite on History Channel, Animal Planet or Discovery) that are made with sophisticated production values and attempt to tackle subjects, such as what it means to be human, that require some thought and reflection, then this is not to be missed.

For me the real interest comes not mainly from the ample fodder for consumption of the minuteae of the subjects' lives but rather from the fleeting glimpses of their attempts to subvert and challenge the whole exercise. An oxbridge educated lawyer and his wife sit guardedly in front of the cameras and profess, in response to probing, that they are 'guarded about being guarded'. Reality TV fatigue takes on a whole new dimension when you have been visited by this type of inquisition every 7 years. The same couple ask 'what is the point...or value.. of such a programme?'. Originally the makers seem to have envisaged a sort of social experiment in televised reality, when the idea was new, taking the ideas behind mass observation a few steps further. There is huge value and much to learn for all concerned both watching and participating and each person may draw this out for themselves. One of the most striking challenges to the whole concept comes from a subject who expresses anger at the makers, making explicit the previously unstated fact that there are and have been disagreements between subjects and crew over the decades about how each person is presented and how their lives are examined and assessed. She tells the interviewer that 'you don't give me enough credit - you don't think I am clever as I am...and you always focus on what has happened rather than on what I want in life, where I want to go'. It is a point forcefully made and what she is getting at must resonate deeply with a reflective audience - the inherent bias in the production process and how ineffectual the concept of objectivity really is; the subjects as we see them are filtered through many layers of language, culturally determined perception and preconception, as well as the hidden individual values of those making the programmes. This subject, a woman without any higher academic education and with obvious strength and immense dignity, objects to the profound insults inherent in the production values, agendas and personalities to be found in the film crew.

What is the point of such a film? True social comment at its most poignant, powerful and irrefutable.

Factotum showcases what is possibly a career best performance from Matt Dillon (maybe Drugstore Cowboy is up there too). The trials and tribulations inherent in a life dedicated to alcoholism of the bar fly variety are explored in this film with many echoes of American Splendor. Henry Chinaski, the alter ego of beat poet Charles Bukowski, is bumbling through life led primarily along the path of least resistance to the next cold beer and whisky combo. If anyone embodies the concept of being happyily depressed it's this guy. If you read Ham on Rye you begin to understand how he got there in the first place. Even without that though the pleasure in the film comes from the brilliantly conveyed sense of what it means to be a true drifter in urban life's wilderness. Chinaski is totally surrendered to his addiction and never fights it. You begin to wonder whether, when done like this, the choice to remain an alcoholic is perhaps more noble than the other option of attempting to recover - and thus through this mechanism a deep level of compassion becomes available for exploration within the viewer.

Last of all was Into Great Silence. Carthusian monks in the most ascetic monastery in Europe are the suject of this nearly silent 3 hour meditation on what it might be like to live a lifetime in such a way. It is beautiful and profound to look at. The silence is at once delicate and robust, impossible to ignore for the first 2 hours. After this I became almost entranced as we watched one of the Brothers pray and meditate. He kneels for a few minutes over the bible as motes dance in the light streaming through the ancient, narrow glass, the wooden panels of his quarters in soft focus behind him. Then he stands and crosses himself. Then he kneels for a time once more....then stands...then, what? He kneels again. Each minute, incremental development on screen has become precious and fascinating. Things we are aware of only subliminally day to day become the very substance of being.

Perhaps the only concession to modernity in the monastery is that the prior apprently has email - it is preferable to the phone as it is silent. Nothing else has changed for perhaps a 1000 years. Remote, spiritual and unique and a perfect rebuttal of soundbite life.

Keeping amused

The great thing this year so far has been the mild winter and toasty apartment. This has gone a long way to making the winter tolerable here in Hawkes Bay. Also, its been a really good snow season so far and this has meant a couple of trips up to the local ski fields for North Island at Mt Ruapehu. There are two fields, Turoa and Whakapapa. So far have tried only Turoa and the last time I went up was to try snowboarding for the first time. Bruising. But anyone who has done it knows that. Easier to pick up than skiing but a lot harder on the bum and lower spine! Also not so good for hard packed pistes, since you only have one edge to rely on! Still, its worth pursuing simply to have more winter sport options when conditions allow. Can't wait to try boarding on soft off piste snow. Must be the best. Also, got called 'dude' by a 14 year old girl which made feel old and young at the same time.

Also recently went down to Wellington to catch as much of the international film festival there as is humanly possible - which I think I acheived by viewing 10 full length films in 2.5 days. The festival now comes to Napier and I have only seen 3 of the films that will be shown so it's gonna be a slob fest all over again. Bring it on. Cultural diversity can be a little lacking at these latitudes sometimes.

Mysore report

A couple of people from our practice group got back from a month in Mysore and, second hand, have reported a lot of disappointment with the experience. Lots of people talking about nothing but Ashtanga, little attention from the teachers at AYRI and even - apparently - an inkling that that PKJ is getting greedy with regards to money from fees etc. Ever heard that before? If one reads the current crop of Mysore blogs on ashtangi.net for example there is never any serious griping about the experience. Far from it in fact. Observations of all sorts but very little opinion. Many of the bloggers of course are based in the US and there is a distinctly American flavour to the Mysore/Ashtanga blog community although this may moderate over time. No-one though is slagging off the AYRI experience.

I guess it has a lot to do with a combination of previous teacher/pupil experiences and expectations about the trip as well as personality. Certainly there are rumours of some pretty 'brutal' treatment being meted out by teachers at AYRI - for example the fabled 'head drop' in back bends. Gotta see it to believe it but on the other hand I have now heard it from an eye witness so who knows....as well as the ubiquitous claims that they try to 'break' your ego as a preliminary stage of instruction. All sounds pretty macho and inimical to the yoga mindset commonly assumed to prevail doesn't it?

I was interested to hear the refelctions of those who have recently returned, particularly since my own visit there is only a month away now. One thing that may be helping me to remain firmly detached is the fact that since I hurt my knee recently my asana practice has essentially gone into stasis - at least as far as any progression through the series is concerned. Thus I have no great expectations for the moment of myself with regard to 'being given' new asana or 'getting further' through primary series. Which means that, for the moment, I believe I will feel content to just go there and practice as instructed, hopefully not get too ill too often and enjoy the chance to meet lots of different folk, find a good place to live in for the duration and spend fun time with my mum when she comes to stay for a month from Oct 10th!

Killing of innocents and survival of the war weary

First let me say that we all abhor the killing of innocent people in military conflict. There is never a justification, never anything one can say to right the injustice of it. And this is indeed part of what Israel is doing, and has done systematically, ever since it was founded.

In Gaza and the so called West Bank where a democratically elected Palestinian government now sits impotently, the Israeli government has ruthlessly elected to repress, harass and assassinate members of the Hamas administration.

In Lebanon, where the organisation whose name means Army of God, Hizbullah, is entrenched in rural and urban areas alike, garnering local support from often poor and disempowered populations, the fury of Israeli military aggression has been unleashed with considerable force into areas, densely populated, where the Army of God has chosen to site its military infrastructure.

In both these cases they are killing Lebanese and Palestinian civilians in far greater numbers, it would seem, than are Israeli civilians being killed by any of the suicide bus bombers, cross border rocket attacks or other means of attack deployed within the borders of Israel by her enemies.

The kidnappings of Israeli soldiers by Arab guerilla organisations in protest at Israeli holding of combatant Arab prisoners, which was the original flashpoint for this whole recent eruption, has of course been forgotten by both sides and the media. Indeed those incidents can be seen now for what many feel they really were - tactical manoeuvering to precipitate conflict, by one side or the other.

This leaves us then contemplating the current manifestation of a conflict that has raged since before the very inception of the state of Israel. Much of the Arab world does not want Israel to exist. The administrations of Syria, Iran and others would happily see the whole place bulldozed into the Med. To them and their scions Israel is nothing more than the incarnation of American/Zionist foreign policy. Indeed Israel is a tool of American foreign policy, as long as the interests of the two are aligned. For they are not one and the same even though it is difficult to conceive of a political environment where their interests might not intersect. That would require the diminution of radical, and even moderately militant, Islam. In the long wave scenario of east vs west, judaeo-christian vs islam, that day is a long way off.

Killing civilians, on purpose and as part of a political strategy informed by a strongly militaristic bent, is never right. However just because one side of an equation is not moral it does not mean that it cannot be read and understood. For what is Israel to do? As a country whose raison d'etre is almost in many ways, and for the time being, simply to survive, what is it to do when threatened? In this case the aim to is to destroy Hizbullah in Lebanon so that they can no longer fire missiles and rockets into Israeli cities and settlements. This is a very hard task as the Israeli army is finding. Army of God units are merged into rural and urban Lebanon. This means that to engage in combat and kill these fighters the Israelis must attack some heavily populated areas. In addition, it would seem that a part of Israeli military doctrine is indeed informed by the belief that terrorising civilian populations is a way to weakend support for the organisations operating in the midst of those populations. Counter intuitive? It would seem to be. It is what partly informed French and American strategy in Algeria and Vietnam and still to this day drives many of the decisions made in the Whitehouse about Iraq. Even the British operations in Helmand province in Afghanistan show elements of this thinking. Of course this element of strategy has the opposite effect from the one intended. It is a mistake that history has seen repeated many times. Hearts and Minds crossed with Scorched Earth.

Israel cannot hope to have broad support from the publics of so called liberal democracies. But neither can it afford to pay heed to those voices. As always, put in the simplest way, this is about survival and survival for Israel may be the most moral choice of all.

This article and this one, both in The Guardian Newspaper, give a partial overview of recent events.

This is the bendiest person ever.

http://www.devilducky.com/media/39096/

This looks like it comes from some eastern european place, or maybe that's misleading but anyway - how hypnotic is that shit! She is obviously pretty young still - early to mid teens I suppose - so she must have basically been born like that and kept it up from a young age. The mind boggles. I wonder if she has any aches and pains.

pet yoga cat

Earlier I was thinking of the first place I tried yoga - a so called 'power yoga' studio in Christchurch, NZ. This is a little misleading beacause those guys still rank for as some of the best teachers of ashtanga I have had and they had a great class, always busy, really informative and inspiring. After a few weeks of being there I noticed a little cat wondering around the room as we all practised - about 40 people were there. It was hilarious, a really cute ginger kitten, which bounded around and while everyone took rest you might feel a light tickle as it's whiskers brushed the souls of your feet. And the name of this kitten? Gerald the Yoga Cat.

warm winter

I went for the third acup treatment today and things are going nicely so will leave it until after the weekend for another follow up. Now getting heat to the site too which feels pretty good.

Today is a day when I normally go to practice with other people and a teacher. I feel like a change of teacher though and will perhaps go to a class run by LT, whose sessions I attended when I first arrived here at the start of 2005. She has a great practice and is a lovely woman with a very attractive approach to teaching.

Having very little to do these days, other than self imposed tasks, leaves a huge amount of time to do very little. Today I got divorced officially, it has been two years and a month since we separated and we sorted out the paperwork so the order came through today. Feels good to have totally moved on and through that whole experience. Talk about adjusting one's expectations of life and bringing awareness to where those expectations came from - the whole relationship, marriage and breakup has encompassed a huge transformation of me as a person and my view of the world and what I'm doing here. From what I want to eat and drink, to where I want to live and who with, to how I treat my body and my mind day to day things have moved on apace from London, banking July 1999 which is when we first met. Best of all, what I like about what I'm doing now and for the next few months is that I am leaving expectations and judgement to one side as much as possible. They can lead to a lot of problems. Equally, counting one's blessings, which for me include being single, healthy and happy with no responsibilities and just a little cash in the bank, are a good way to appreciate whatever may be happening around me. There is no doubt that Ashtanga has been a big factor in allowing this to occur by creating a pathway for acceptance of life as it is, and myself as I am.

This is what happens sometimes when you give yourself nothing to do. What then of my projects mentioned earlier - things like the business plan and vlogging? I still love the business plan and it is in reasonable shape. I don't have a huge motivation to engage with it at the moment. If it still looks good when I get back from Indyah then I will examine doing it wholeheartedly. There is lots of stuff there for me about taking on responsibility, coping with high levels of demand on my time and energy and also being committed to living and staying in one place for a period of time. I've put those ideas up for examination and they are around. Vlogging - it's pretty expensive to buy a camera, although it would be fun but I have to say that, having looked at a few recently, I think that blogs are just fine and can be resonant and absorbing without moving images as long as they are well written and display elements of reflection and observation. So, this will remain a blog.

This winter is turning out to be the easiest since I came to NZ. Houses here are jolly badly constructed, often with no insulation, double glazing or heating and it gets very cold and damp for several months of the year. However, the place I am living in now is insulated and easy to heat so for the first time ever I am warm and cosy for winter - which makes a huge difference to one's state of mind. Previous winters have been a shock to the system and a constant battle to stay warm. Like having to go to bed with fleece bottoms, tops and hats on then waking up in the morning and finding ice on the inside of the window - like living in a tent. No joke I can assure you.

Knees. The left one is responding very well to the treatments meted out thus far. These are - acupuncture, twice in two days, lots of arnica, ice packs (until tomorrow when it wil be heat) and being careful. Yesterday had perhaps 20% articulation of the joint, today is back to 60-70%. This feels therefore like a strain, not a tear. Remaining cautious though as there is still slight swelling and some pain if I move it too much and without awareness of the joint. Hmmm. I have joined ashtangi.net and so this blog should be visibile there shortly.

divine moments

The John Scott 'Ashtanga Yoga from the Heart' weekend has turned out for some to include glimpses of the divine - not for me though I have to say that not one teacher I have yet come across has managed to communicate so effectively, in practice, at the time of practice, the deep spiritual and emotional nature of the practice of ashtanga that sometimes makes itself felt. Over 5 two hour sessions we had a good mixture of physical practice and talk, mostly on the subject of grounding, rooting from the ground to the sky, allowing prana to flow and carry the practice. During these moments some students will feel powerful forces and emotions shifting within then. My friend JS said that as he was talking, John Scott passed her and touched her head. She thought he had put some substance on her crown because she suddenly breathed in the rich scent of a tropical bloom - perhaps a lotus flower. A glimpse of the divine. Like the penny dropping. There is something more.

At the end of the final session, as we were doing baddha padmasana, Lucy Scott came over and assisted me with the best way for me to get into the lotus position - the old hips and knees are pretty tight, but they are opening. As she was assisting, my left knee gave a pretty decent pop. That was the end of practice for me. She did a bit of craniosacral while I took rest and this morning it was stiff, sore and pretty immobile. It seemed to fit just right the way this has happened, right at the end of the workshop, just so the ever so lovely Lucy could give me some much needed yogic attention.

Anyway, enough of yogic yoga teacher crushes. This morning I went to get some acupuncture, much needed - some very sore sites mid way down the outside calf - and it appears I may have slightly torn the lateral collateral ligament. Need a week or so to see if it's torn or just badly strained but it has been niggling for many months. This is definitely going to slow things down. I took a whole week off a couple back because I could feel the knees were taking a bit too much strain, but it wasn't enough so now there is an injury. Ice for a couple of days to reduce potential swelling, then probably heat as well as some intensive acupuncture, this is the recipe. Was inspired by John Scott's recounting of his practices in the early days of being a father - sleep deprived, but getting up at 5am anyway to practice, getting to the mat and saying the opening chant then simply lying down and resting. That was his lot. Today I did 3 very careful Suryanamaskara A, then examined possible standing asana to find that none were going to work so sat and did one side of Janu sirsana A and that was it. Could be more of the same for a little while.

I am definitely getting better at tking this kind of event in my stride. For example, if I were working now then there is no way I could go in to anything other than the most undemanding things (at least in a job where physical mobility was important a it was in the world of winemaking). When I had my wisdom teeth out in January it took me 3 weeks to get my practice back to the same stage of physical fitness and suppleness as it had been at prior to the op. It freaked me out a little at the time, and I worried that I somehow might not make it to where I 'had been'. When I had the 'week off' lately I really felt it when coming back to practice. The aching arms by the end of Surya Ns was a telltale sign. This was nearly a thing of the past. But these things are false markers. Some people probably never get past the standing sequence, there's the whole of my life to work on what comes next. I'll get as far into the sequences as I get, there's nothing I can do about that. An injury is the best reminder of this. Definitely Kapha with a smidgen of vatta.

Right at the start of the world cup I got given the Italians in a sweepstake. Would have happily swapped them for several other teams. But they just won the world cup on penalties. $40 to me.