Thursday, July 13, 2006

warm winter

I went for the third acup treatment today and things are going nicely so will leave it until after the weekend for another follow up. Now getting heat to the site too which feels pretty good.

Today is a day when I normally go to practice with other people and a teacher. I feel like a change of teacher though and will perhaps go to a class run by LT, whose sessions I attended when I first arrived here at the start of 2005. She has a great practice and is a lovely woman with a very attractive approach to teaching.

Having very little to do these days, other than self imposed tasks, leaves a huge amount of time to do very little. Today I got divorced officially, it has been two years and a month since we separated and we sorted out the paperwork so the order came through today. Feels good to have totally moved on and through that whole experience. Talk about adjusting one's expectations of life and bringing awareness to where those expectations came from - the whole relationship, marriage and breakup has encompassed a huge transformation of me as a person and my view of the world and what I'm doing here. From what I want to eat and drink, to where I want to live and who with, to how I treat my body and my mind day to day things have moved on apace from London, banking July 1999 which is when we first met. Best of all, what I like about what I'm doing now and for the next few months is that I am leaving expectations and judgement to one side as much as possible. They can lead to a lot of problems. Equally, counting one's blessings, which for me include being single, healthy and happy with no responsibilities and just a little cash in the bank, are a good way to appreciate whatever may be happening around me. There is no doubt that Ashtanga has been a big factor in allowing this to occur by creating a pathway for acceptance of life as it is, and myself as I am.

This is what happens sometimes when you give yourself nothing to do. What then of my projects mentioned earlier - things like the business plan and vlogging? I still love the business plan and it is in reasonable shape. I don't have a huge motivation to engage with it at the moment. If it still looks good when I get back from Indyah then I will examine doing it wholeheartedly. There is lots of stuff there for me about taking on responsibility, coping with high levels of demand on my time and energy and also being committed to living and staying in one place for a period of time. I've put those ideas up for examination and they are around. Vlogging - it's pretty expensive to buy a camera, although it would be fun but I have to say that, having looked at a few recently, I think that blogs are just fine and can be resonant and absorbing without moving images as long as they are well written and display elements of reflection and observation. So, this will remain a blog.

This winter is turning out to be the easiest since I came to NZ. Houses here are jolly badly constructed, often with no insulation, double glazing or heating and it gets very cold and damp for several months of the year. However, the place I am living in now is insulated and easy to heat so for the first time ever I am warm and cosy for winter - which makes a huge difference to one's state of mind. Previous winters have been a shock to the system and a constant battle to stay warm. Like having to go to bed with fleece bottoms, tops and hats on then waking up in the morning and finding ice on the inside of the window - like living in a tent. No joke I can assure you.

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